It is becoming an awfully recurring theme that all I do is sit on my backside either doing work or contemplating work OR watching the l word...:) But anyway, its becoming pretty sickening. I am 20. I am bored. NO! This shouldn't be happening to me. I need activity. Oh well i suppose. Think I'm going to go out tomorrow night, anything beats staying home. Although I will miss The Apprentice, that is joyful times. Actually, it may be one of the joyful-est times of my life at the moment. Do I need to re-iterate that I'm 20 and bored? No.
Brother's just come in upset. Upsetting.
Other brother is actually very quiet. Weird.
And I am...energy-less.
x
Tuesday, 14 April 2009
Monday, 13 April 2009
Monday.
"I don't like mondaysssss" la la la.
Yeah, I don't like mondays. I like them at uni because they are my only day off, but then I have to go to work so that kind of counteracts the day off pleasure. I'd say I've spent all day doing statistics revision but I started at 4 and finished at 7. Three hours. Productive huh? Well, I'm sorry. I wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy...
I love that programme. It's so dark and sexy. They made a hospital drama sexy. Kudos.
So, my thoughts today. Not a lot actually. Just the fact that I'm going back to uni this weekend. God, it's so soon. For the first time, I don't actually want to go back. The fact we have exams does not make it better. I think it's just the fact that I've never loved my own company more than I do right now. And when I go back, I'll get that time but it won't be as much. I'll be invited places and I'll feel like I have to do stuff because I don't want to waste my time there. I'll regret it. And whether I think I'll regret things or not, we all regret certain things. We just move on.
I don't know what to do now. I could make myself feel good and do more work. Or I could equally make myself feel good and do no work. The Jury's out...x
Yeah, I don't like mondays. I like them at uni because they are my only day off, but then I have to go to work so that kind of counteracts the day off pleasure. I'd say I've spent all day doing statistics revision but I started at 4 and finished at 7. Three hours. Productive huh? Well, I'm sorry. I wanted to watch Grey's Anatomy...
I love that programme. It's so dark and sexy. They made a hospital drama sexy. Kudos.
So, my thoughts today. Not a lot actually. Just the fact that I'm going back to uni this weekend. God, it's so soon. For the first time, I don't actually want to go back. The fact we have exams does not make it better. I think it's just the fact that I've never loved my own company more than I do right now. And when I go back, I'll get that time but it won't be as much. I'll be invited places and I'll feel like I have to do stuff because I don't want to waste my time there. I'll regret it. And whether I think I'll regret things or not, we all regret certain things. We just move on.
I don't know what to do now. I could make myself feel good and do more work. Or I could equally make myself feel good and do no work. The Jury's out...x
Sunday, 12 April 2009
Easter...whatever
Easter Sunday, hardly a cause for celebration. I mean really, who gives a flying fig about Easter? You eat chocolate...Yeah, you eat chocolate. And even chocolate gets boring sometimes. It really does.
Anyway, its obvious I haven't done anything productive today but eat some chocolate (as I won't stop bloody going on about it). I'm getting a bit frustrated with thinking about my Summer, as i STILL have nothing to do. If only I made my mind up a little before 'Easter' about my career aspirations, then maybe I would have something planned. Never mind (I guess). I applied to be the editor of the Rabbit. It's a step forward. I mean, I never go for things that I whole heartedly don't think I can achieve. This is a first. Being the editor would require me to have the qualities of a leader. Long story short - I don't. Being the editor would require me to be organised. Long story short - I'm not...
What was I thinking?!
Delusion.com is clearly the place to be.
So, plannage for tomorrow. Well surprise surprise I will be staying in. I'm still recovering from my operation that turned me into a 90-year old mental patient. Nearly recovered though. Very excited about Friday. Found out we are on the guest list, well...Jen plus one on the guest list. That will be very interesting.
Oh, before I go. I'm in love with the new Dizzee track Bonkers.
And, and, and...cannot believe Craig David's "Born to do it" was the 2nd greatest album ever! Mental...
Anyway, off I go to the land of nod. I awake to half a day of statistics. I think.
Love love love x x x
Anyway, its obvious I haven't done anything productive today but eat some chocolate (as I won't stop bloody going on about it). I'm getting a bit frustrated with thinking about my Summer, as i STILL have nothing to do. If only I made my mind up a little before 'Easter' about my career aspirations, then maybe I would have something planned. Never mind (I guess). I applied to be the editor of the Rabbit. It's a step forward. I mean, I never go for things that I whole heartedly don't think I can achieve. This is a first. Being the editor would require me to have the qualities of a leader. Long story short - I don't. Being the editor would require me to be organised. Long story short - I'm not...
What was I thinking?!
Delusion.com is clearly the place to be.
So, plannage for tomorrow. Well surprise surprise I will be staying in. I'm still recovering from my operation that turned me into a 90-year old mental patient. Nearly recovered though. Very excited about Friday. Found out we are on the guest list, well...Jen plus one on the guest list. That will be very interesting.
Oh, before I go. I'm in love with the new Dizzee track Bonkers.
And, and, and...cannot believe Craig David's "Born to do it" was the 2nd greatest album ever! Mental...
Anyway, off I go to the land of nod. I awake to half a day of statistics. I think.
Love love love x x x
All For One, One For All
All For One, One For All
OK, so you're with the love of your life. There's nobody else you would rather be with. But, don't forget yourself. It's very easy to become dependent on the one you love. It is vital that each person in a relationship gets their alone time. In order to look after a relationship, you must look after yourself. Whatever you contribute to a relationship must remain fresh. In order to revitalise your best qualities, have a little "me" time.
Saturday, 11 April 2009
The Power Of Being Genuine
Tracey Emin
Controversial? Yes. Life is controversial. We cannot hide from life, so why should art mislead us into thinking that the raw issues of life i.e. sexuality are any different to what they are before our very own eyes? That is all.
Dress to impress in nothing less than what you already have.
I have to say, I've probably worn a lot of things in order to impress. When I was 17, I dressed up as a playboy bunny in order to look "sexy". At a themed night at university I dressed up as dr devan (devan is my surname), thinking that false eyelashes would gain me good looking points, but no. I usually wear dresses with heels, tops with shorts and tops that are too short not to wear with shorts. However, impression is all in the eyes. Impression is all in the smile. Your best top could have been ruined, leaving you with no clothes left to "impress" with. Truth is - whatever you wear, a long lasting impression comes from within. People don't forget that so easily.
Recovery
I return after my operation. Everything went well apparently. I must say that I am more than glad that after 2 days, I am starting to feel better. I'm lucky I didn't have a major procedure, and that I got the op done by keyhole surgery. I have felt like a bit of a pensioner over the last few days. I couldn't get up on my own, I couldn't lay flat without being uncomfortable and I couldn't even manage to drink without a straw. It's amazing how a couple of days can refresh your outlook on life and the things we take for granted.
(in terms of drinking without straws and getting up off my arse...)
I haven't really done much in the last few days, which has given me time to relax. However, during the time in which I was glued to the sofa, I watched a programme with a very high impact - "The Truth About Online Anorexia".
You are probably thinking - "of course it had high impact, there are tonnes of girls that view transparent bodies as the personification of beauty". Think again. The most shocking thing about what I saw (aside from the fact that I actually didn't mind Fearne Cotton for a change...) was that it wasn't very shocking at all. I found myself completely desensitized to all the pictures that I saw. In fact, only the pictures with literally nothing but bones seemed slightly alarming. And, what I found interesting was that while I didn't make so much of a squirm at the pictures I saw on the television, my mum was totally astonished. In itself, the difference in reaction between myself and my mum shows you what kind of society girls my age grow up in in the 21st century. Beauty is prioritised over health. Being attractive is brutally being on death's door. People suffering from eating disorders such as anorexia suffer purely for the cause of being thin, but in reality, they have a completely distorted view of what is actually thin. The process of becoming thin is one that never ends.
But, what can we do? There is in fact no solution. Until the view that we should be proud of ourselves and our individual qualities becomes internalised, there is nothing that society (which is external to us) can do to change the view that we must be thin to be beautiful. However, the situation is becoming worse. One of the most eye-opening scenes from the ITV "revelation" was set in a classroom with Fearne Cotton and 5 girls around the age of 10. One girl in particular expressed that she would feel happier if she were to lose weight and that she had dieted before. In actual fact, she tried to redeem herself by saying that she wouldn't want to lose as much as a stone, but she wanted to lose a significant amount of weight. I was amazed. A 10 year old having the idea in her head of losing a stone?! It is surreal.
As somebody who has been previously obsessed with personal appearance, especially being thin, I can relate to some of the things that these girls were saying. However, after a period of time, I came to realise that I was wanting to change for other people and not myself. But how could I want to do this if nobody was willing to change for me? Nobody was willing to become more attractive for my purpose. In fact, I didn't want anybody to become more attractive for me. I didn't need them to.
Being attractive is being who you are regardless of what of what "normal" people think and regardless of what the world thinks. No idea is ever approved by every single person in the world. No image will ever be portrayed as perfect. If perfection is unattainable, when will we learn that we cannot reach it? If we could accept that we will never see ourselves the way others do, the world would be as close to perfect as it could ever be.
LoveLoveLove x x x
(in terms of drinking without straws and getting up off my arse...)
I haven't really done much in the last few days, which has given me time to relax. However, during the time in which I was glued to the sofa, I watched a programme with a very high impact - "The Truth About Online Anorexia".
You are probably thinking - "of course it had high impact, there are tonnes of girls that view transparent bodies as the personification of beauty". Think again. The most shocking thing about what I saw (aside from the fact that I actually didn't mind Fearne Cotton for a change...) was that it wasn't very shocking at all. I found myself completely desensitized to all the pictures that I saw. In fact, only the pictures with literally nothing but bones seemed slightly alarming. And, what I found interesting was that while I didn't make so much of a squirm at the pictures I saw on the television, my mum was totally astonished. In itself, the difference in reaction between myself and my mum shows you what kind of society girls my age grow up in in the 21st century. Beauty is prioritised over health. Being attractive is brutally being on death's door. People suffering from eating disorders such as anorexia suffer purely for the cause of being thin, but in reality, they have a completely distorted view of what is actually thin. The process of becoming thin is one that never ends.
But, what can we do? There is in fact no solution. Until the view that we should be proud of ourselves and our individual qualities becomes internalised, there is nothing that society (which is external to us) can do to change the view that we must be thin to be beautiful. However, the situation is becoming worse. One of the most eye-opening scenes from the ITV "revelation" was set in a classroom with Fearne Cotton and 5 girls around the age of 10. One girl in particular expressed that she would feel happier if she were to lose weight and that she had dieted before. In actual fact, she tried to redeem herself by saying that she wouldn't want to lose as much as a stone, but she wanted to lose a significant amount of weight. I was amazed. A 10 year old having the idea in her head of losing a stone?! It is surreal.
As somebody who has been previously obsessed with personal appearance, especially being thin, I can relate to some of the things that these girls were saying. However, after a period of time, I came to realise that I was wanting to change for other people and not myself. But how could I want to do this if nobody was willing to change for me? Nobody was willing to become more attractive for my purpose. In fact, I didn't want anybody to become more attractive for me. I didn't need them to.
Being attractive is being who you are regardless of what of what "normal" people think and regardless of what the world thinks. No idea is ever approved by every single person in the world. No image will ever be portrayed as perfect. If perfection is unattainable, when will we learn that we cannot reach it? If we could accept that we will never see ourselves the way others do, the world would be as close to perfect as it could ever be.
LoveLoveLove x x x
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